West Bend, WI – My younger brother John Steffes, 54, had been battling cancer for over a year. Technically he was diagnosed with a metastatic adenocarcinoma, a stage 4 lung non-operable cancer. A softball-sized tumor found January 2022 behind his sternum (breastbone) along with cancer spots on his liver.
John fought his battle with faith, courage, and humor and he relished every day to the very end when he joined his father on Monday, July 31, 2023.
During his fight, John would have chemo and go to work the same day. His students gave him purpose as did his family and his best friend and wife Holly. He is the cherished father of Lucy, Audrey and Henry.
After more than a year and 3 months of treatment at Froedtert, John sought alternative treatment through the City of Hope in Zion, IL. It was 53 minutes door to door to Zion, but it was more tubes and tests and gamma-knife radiation that can wear anyone down.
He lived up to his nickname “Tough guy.”
John was No. 5 out of the 7 children of Joan and Al Steffes. He was the first-born son joining a nest of four loving sisters.
John brought to the table a love of action figures, DC Comics, and Evel Knievel. On a bicycling note, that also meant amazing high-rise handlebars, banana seats, sweet jumps and trips to the emergency room for stitches.
John was a smart aleck and lover of 1970’s TV shows including the hokey Batman series. When mom heard he said at school, “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” ala Welcome Back Kotter… it was the end of that TV show in the Steffes household.
John had a great recollection of childhood memories. He wrote in a book we made for my dad, “I was maybe 10 years old when the family was on its way to church in the station wagon. I was sitting in the front seat between Mom and Dad. I asked Dad if I could steer, and he let me. We came to a corner where we needed to make a turn. I made the turn but didn’t understand that I had to let the wheels straighten out once the turn was completed. The car kept turning until it was pointed directly at a tree. Dad hit the brakes at the last second and I smacked my head against the dashboard. I didn’t get to do much steering after that.”
John found his love for music in grade school. First it was the clarinet and then onto the bass guitar and the upright bass.
Guy Fiorentini from Marquette High School cofounded Necromantx with John in late 1984 featuring Dwain Flowers on drums. Guy paid John a visit at the hospice in Mequon and stood at his bedside and talked about the way-too-small Necromantx t-shirt he found.
“Necromantx was John’s first rock band and certainly our first gigging band,” said Guy. “John exhibited a fearlessness and sense that anything was possible, and this rubbed off on me. Musical interest changed for both of us as we got older, but he never lost that attitude toward creating music, and I’m grateful that some of it lives on in me as well.
John was an old-fashioned showman. Loud pastel suits, high kicks, and spinning his upright bass like he was dancing with a fat-bottomed gal. His mistress was his music, and he shared that love with everyone from State Fair to Summerfest to the Iola Car Show, Washington County Fair Park, Regner Park, Bastille Days, and Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall… to name a few.
Bruce Humphries who heads Bruce Humphries and the Rockabilly Rebels, stopped by John’s house during his final weeks to deliver a 3D CD he made with John. The production took more than a year.
“John was quick on his feet and cleverly obnoxious,” said Humphries.
“I was blessed to have him come into my life and be so dedicated to my band and my music when he could’ve easily been focusing on his own group,” said Humphries. “During our last year of performances, I would be sure to look over at him and I would see the biggest smile on his face. He was so damn happy being up on stage and playing music. He really added so much to our band and I’m not sure I ever told him that.”
Guitarist Chris Conrad met John in 1989 and played with him in the band Honkeytonkitis. “His songs were largely humorous novelty songs, that in some ways mirrored the genre of novelty/country songs that were made popular by Tom T. Hall, Jim Stafford, Jerry Reed and Ray Stevens,” said Conrad.
“But John’s lyrics were never meant for AM 1960’s country stations. Musically, the songs fit the form perfectly, but John’s lyrics were edgier but genuinely more thoughtful. John was ALSO keenly aware of the “Countrypolitan” look that was synonymous with Eddy Arnold, Jim Reeves and Charlie Rich, and it pretty much mirrored his closet, which was based on Jump-Blues acts of the 1950’s. Stylistically – visually – that’s who John emulated.”
John loved his family. They supported him. Always. John ran a half-marathon in Green Bay. His kids held signs through the final lap at Lambeau Field. “My dad runs on donut fuel.”
Over the past year John didn’t complain or feel sorry for himself. He lived life to the fullest. Attending his son’s baseball games, Harley’s motorcycle parade, and after his diagnosis he played a gig at Regner Park with the Rockabilly Rebels – even when he had no voice. The tumor had crushed and paralyzed his vocal cord. But music was just one thing he wouldn’t let cancer steal from him.
He went to Brewers games. Trusted the doctors, thinking if he just did what they said… it would all work out.
John was humble through it all. He hugged us more. Told us he loved us.
His mother, 90, the matriarch of the family, made trips to Milwaukee, to visit and help John take joy in little things like fresh air, sunshine, and sitting in the shade; just being there to make sure John wasn’t alone.
When John entered home hospice his brother Tom and I took him to the Milwaukee Public Library for books and to record stores on the east side.
One of the hardest parts was John was so aware of what was happening. After home hospice dropped off a wheelchair my mom and I said we should go for a walk around the block.
He said, “What if someone sees me?”
The comment was crushing. Edema had set in, his weight loss was extreme, and he was realizing the wheelchair meant the disease was stealing one more normal inch of his life.
We convinced him to go on the walk. He put on his “Al Steffes straw hat” and went outside, and what a blessing as his kind neighbor waved and said the best thing, “Good to see you, John.”
His old band friends came to visit. From eras including the FS Camels, Naked Truth, Necromantx, Jack Daws, King Comets, and Honkeytonkitis.
Ray Bands drummer Shaun Mathey was an unrelenting friend. Mathey sported tattoos and an admitted reputation that he could be mistaken for a felon. He put on an independent rock n’ roll concert at his home as John, battling nausea, sat in the car and reveled in it…
“Honkeytonk John. Love that guy like a brother,” said bandmate Mathey.
John is now reunited with his father who died five years ago in July. At John’s bedside I reminded him of our love for him as a brother and said, ”Dad is waiting for you… and so is Elvis.”
Come pay your respects. Family and friends will gather at Old Saint Mary Parish, 844 N. Broadway on Friday, August 4, 2023, from 1 p.m. until the time of the Memorial Mass at 2:30 p.m.
Wear an old band shirt it you have one or something tied to Pabst Blue Ribbon – it would be what Honkeytonk John would have wanted.
God wink: I put this article to bed but had to follow-up with this quick story. Took my mom to BJ & Company for a haircut on Thursday. As I was leaving the beauty shop a grey-haired man was sitting in a chair. He looked up and smiled. His t-shirt read ‘Graceland.’ It was a trip John, and I were planning with his wife Holly… but the end came too soon.
I think John is definitely home and in good hands.
So sorry for your loss, Judy. May God comfort you and your family through this time of grief and in the years to come.
What a lovely tribute. I’m sorry you lost your brother.
Nicely done Judy. That was a wonderful ceremony for Johnny yesterday.
Judy that was such a nice tribute to John. I remember him from when he was just a boy bit it sounds like he was a great guy. It is so hard to lose a sibling. Give Aunt Joan a hug from me.
Didn’t know John real well lot younger than me didn’t know we had a Rock Star in the family Rock on Love to all wish we could of stayed closer in are family my deepest sympathy love you all